woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize