the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
