When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
