you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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