she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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