i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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