dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
