you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
