So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
3pm strippers are depressing
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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