just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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