am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
