Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You are a genius and a whore.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
