she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
