Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
