His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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