Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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