walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
