I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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