How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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