She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
