If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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