I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
