Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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