Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
