Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
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The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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