I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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