You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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