You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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