i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
