party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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