I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
