mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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