so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
