There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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