I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
