im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
