We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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