I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
