this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
