I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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