I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
