I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
