I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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