i don't like sucking hair
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
