just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
