It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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