I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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