I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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