Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
