Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
