My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
