I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if only i could text you this smell
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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