I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
