I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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