yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize