5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
