Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
