i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
