Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
