I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
