dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
