Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
