this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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