you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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