there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
