apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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